ऊपेक्खा
“The real meaning of upekkha is equanimity, not indifference in the sense of unconcern for others. As a spiritual virtue, upekkha means stability in the face of the fluctuations of worldly fortune. It is evenness of mind, unshakeable freedom of mind, a state of inner equipoise that cannot be upset by gain and loss, honor and dishonor, praise and blame, pleasure and pain. Upekkha is freedom from all points of self-reference; it is indifference only to the demands of the ego-self with its craving for pleasure and position, not to the well-being of one's fellow human beings. True equanimity is the pinnacle of the four social attitudes that the Buddhist texts call the 'divine abodes': boundless loving-kindness, compassion, altruistic joy, and equanimity. The last does not override and negate the preceding three, but perfects and consummates them.”
Some days, I lose my head without much cause. It just happens. Poof! Sour mood. But that's not what I'm about to dwell upon. When talking to my mom today, talking about a sick relative, it really puts things in perspective. Some one in my distant family, who was mostly healthy all summer, has been given three weeks to live. When I think about how time seems to fly these days, it is incredibly terrifying to think of hearing I would only live about three more weeks.
It's really important to reflect on the beauty in EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I will continue to strive to ease my mind when it turns upside down. I will briefly notice the sour or ill feelings and quickly move on or tend to them as needed. It is a struggle, but I deserve to live in happiness.
I began the morning, some what losing my mind. I can't always put a finger on it, but I used all of the negative energy to clean. Even though I wasn't necessarily feeling fantastic when I had finished, the kitchen, living room, and Lucy's room all received a much needed tidying. All cleaned, swept, and vacuumed. Then I took my little Lu Bees outside to play in the sunshine.
Today was a little on the cool side, so I bundled Lucy up in adorable handmade knitted accessories. She looked so adorable in her little hat and scarf, all bundled up under her little coat. She asked me to put on her second hand winter boots, which are her current favorite. We watched the school bus drop some children off and then walked across the street to play in the leaves and pick up sticks. Sticks are one of the best things that nature gives Lucy to play with. She loves to hold one in each hand, poke and bang things, and throw them. But then again, she also likes to eat (and swallow if I'm not fast enough) spoonfuls of sand or rocks. There was none of that today though, only one close call.
After about an hour, it was time for a nap. I read Lucy some stories and sang her to sleep. She went down relatively easy. I'm really thankful that during this time I didn't attempt to eat while I was feeling out of sorts, because if things got a little hairy, I would feel only worse. So, I took a much needed nap and awoke in much better spirits. When I woke up, I had some lunch (sauteed broccoli with rotisserie chicken meat, a small slice of homemade sour dough, and a slice of cheese) and then I curled up on the couch with a blankie and sipped some tea. Ryan called me and ran to the grocery store so I wouldn't have to. I think it was the first day off I've had in months where I didn't drive anywhere. It was very nice.
I made some delicious Chili:
-2lbs beans soaked over night
-2 cans diced tomato with basil
-caramelized onions and peppers with ground beef
-two home grown hot peppers
-red pepper
-Himalayan salt
-Turmeric
-Curry
I also made some Delicious Mushroom soup with my chicken broth:
-sautee some leeks in butter
-add mushrooms
-add lemon juice
-add paprika
-add dill
-add pepper
-add chicken stock
-add milk
-add cream cheese (which was supposed to be sour cream but I like to live dangerously)
(and by dangerously I meant I needed to use the cream cheese in something)
I'd love to write down the amounts more specifically but I'm too good for measuring;)
Fred gave me a great compliment about not seeing beans cooked that way since his grandmother was alive. That made me feel awesome. I really enjoy doing things old school especially if it means eating beans and not having gas. Soaking them over night helps the breakdown of certain enzymes that cause it and also allow you to absorb all of that good vitamins and crap.
Everyone was really thankful for dinner. I thoroughly enjoy entertaining by feeding people. Especially with a warm and hearty, home cooked meal. Tina of course showered me with compliments and both Tina and Fred were incredibly thankful for all of the things I did around the house all day. That made me feel really appreciated. That feeling rocks.
I hung around with Lucy and Ryan until bath time for Lucy. After the bath, we had our first snow fall of the year. Lucy ran outside with Grammy to see the snow. She was so excited! She came in and demanded her hat, scarf, boots, and sweater so she could go outside and build a snow man. (With all ten flakes of snow). Then we took on the endeavor to put her to sleep. Tonight it took over an hour and a half (probably because we were still excited about the snow at bed time), but there was still something special about it. I'm so thankful I had the strength to comfort her and help her drift to sleep without being upset and crying. No one deserves that, but it's never easy. As much as I don't like to admit it, some days I just don't have the patience to coddle her for hours at a time. When I can spend a decent hunk of evening helping her drift to sleep happily as possible, I feel really proud of myself. I truly feel Lucy benefits from being comforted like that too. So there's that strength.
Before Ryan went off to work, he gave me the best hug ever. He isn't always super affectionate, but it made me feel really good. Hugs freaking rock!
To be able to reflect upon the things that make me happy... <3
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