Reflections of Thankfulness

I am feeling happy today. I am Grateful<3:
~Happiness today.
~Being able to fully enjoy my first holiday with my little family.
~Being focused on what was best for my family so we could enjoy the day.
~Self control to eat only one delicious plate of food and the control to not scrape it clean.
~Self control to only have half a slice of pie and three nibbles of dessert.
~A three hour nap with my family.
~Health and solid poops.
~Being able to make a delicious pie from scratch.
~Taking a three hour nap with my family.
~Being able to have some alone time with my man.
~Veggies and dip.
~A healthy baby who likes to play I'm going to get you and do pull-ups
~Ryan's little sister Kim coming home and being in very uplifting spirits.
~The motivation to run for the first time in almost a month.
~The motivation to do my squats and push ups.
~The beauty of the fresh fallen snow.
~My ability and means to drive home safely to enjoy this day.
~My newly cleaned space.
~My in-law family
~My family
~My friends.
~The wonderful support system I've found.
~This day.
~Happiness <3

Last Sunday of November.

I can't say I'm totally in love with feeling like my insides are falling out. However, the day was filled with lovely things. Peanut butter toast for breakfast, tea for the ride to Barre, my hour and a half long yoga class... great start to the day:) After yoga, I was able to take some additional time to myself and visit Andi and Barb and brush some ponies. I spent a lot of time brushing a pony names Sunny D who happily stood for me to brush him for an extended period of time. He would randomly talk to me and try to convince me that I should feed him the carrots in my pockets. He's a beautiful guy. He also licked my face, which I can't say has ever happened to me before. Andi was unfortunately preoccupied by a bunch of visitors, but it allowed me to get my Zen on and brush Sunny D and hum to myself quietly. I secretly wish Ryan and I will get a house big enough for me to keep Sunny there for Barb. A girl can dream right?
I had a really nice and mellow day at my mom's. The weather was gorgeous and I managed to scrape myself outside to play with Lucy. We ran around and I pushed her in the airplane swing. At one point, Lucy had asked my sister Deidra to throw a rock into the water. When the rock landed on ice and did not splash, Lucy was heart broken! She wanted to know what happened and what Grumpy did to the pond. She wanted to know why the water was gone.
Our trip home was a little rough. Lucy didn't want to be in the car and I felt really drowsy, but we made it. We've had a nice, low-key evening. Lucy And I spent some time looking at Grammys Christmas village and singing Christmas Carols. Precious moments. I convinced her to "let the songs go to bed" and carried her to bed. She fell asleep in my lap as I played with her hair while surfing the web. I'm going to bed nice and early in hopes I feel better rested tomorrow. Goodnight world!

Today wasn't bad, and I feel content

Staring the clock down as my 14 hour shift (6 hours ot) comes to a close. I'm really glad I'm taking the needed steps to get my finances in order. It feels good to take responsibility! a little segment of overtime tomorrow as well, followed by a dash on Friday. Soon my car will be all paid off! There is a light at the end of that tunnel.
I'm proud I kept my eating under control today. Some days it's a struggle to eat only when and what I need, but I won't let it spiral out of control.
Yesterday night, I had a pretty decent heart to heart with Ryan. We talked about a lot of things, but the thing that stayed most in my mind is how I let others effect me. I have always been such a people pleaser.
Ryan and I currently live with his parents, and I feel an overbearing emotion to keep up after everyone. I do this because I don't want to burden anyone with anything I leave behind. Mostly Ryan's step father. He is a generous and hard working man, but he has this awful unhappiness and negativity inside him. He is  incredibly hard to please.
He's been home a lot lately because of surgery. I was really hoping the time off would give him the break he needed and he would be in better spirits. However, I am only noticing it more. It seems he doesn't ever have anything nice to say about anyone. Of course that isn't wholly true, but sometimes I can't help but feel that way. He even goes as far to predict the negative emotions others will have about his actions. Then I find myself anticipating the others negative reactions to him and even myself. But it's not just others,.He talks about all of his struggles and how hard it is for him. I feel so sad for him, and I've found myself going to overly great lengths to try to make up for all of the negative emotions he has. Unfortunately, I've also picked up some of his actions, like banging around and sighing instead of respectfully asking for help. I am really struggling to not allow myself to take on the negative emotions or actions. I'm sensitive to people being unhappy and I've been surrounded by a lit if unhappiness.  Not to mention, I feel very indebted to him. He is providing a warm roof over my little family's head. I feel like we are only another burden upon him.
I picked up this great article today. It stated how not everyone was going to like you. Everyone had been through different experiences that effect how they do and see things. You can't change the way a person views everything because of this, and most important, one shouldn't try to change so hard to try to be liked by everyone. It leads you away from your desired paths and can even diminish your self worth. If one can find the strength to accept that people are different (and it is okay), one will soon find more acceptance of themselves. it will become okay for one to be different too! It is important to spend energy finding thinks that are like you or make you happy. Try not to use that energy trying to change the things you love to make sure everyone else is happy. If you surround yourself with like people, it is never much effort to keep them happy. For the people who are different, it is beautiful that every person is unique and people can disagree. See the beauty in the difference, and even though it is not always easy, let it be.

Relaxing before bed

Fourteen hour work day on Saturdays. And that's today! Well technically, yesterday, but I haven't gone to bed yet.
I'm feeling content all nestled up in bed under about four layers of covers, the room gently lit by a candle. Ahhh. Sigh of relief. Good job Alicia.
The day went pretty smooth. I enjoyed some Tea and Sudoku in the morning while watching Avatar with three really content kids. It started the day off easy and enjoyable. I actually spent most of my day sitting down. I was so excited to run up and down the stairs a few times during break and it gave me so much wonderful energy after sitting around. I also did over 100 calf raises at work and took two yoga breaks in the bathroom. I am loving some of the flows I've been learning. They kept me feeling very present, balanced, and centered.
I was proud that I didn't scrape my plates clean of food and I was able to leave a bite of four out of 6 foods on my plate, which is a huge accomplishment.
After work, I did 75 squats while rocking Lucy to sleep. I didn't get as deep as I would have liked but Lucy weighs at least twenty something pounds. Everything evens out! My best accomplishment was 15 unassisted push ups, and how I didn't struggle to bang out the last few. I really noticed an improvement from all of push ups I've done the past days in a row. Not too much to report in today, but nothing horrible! Yay decent days:)

First Snow Of Fall 2014

Lucy was completely in awe at the snow when she crawled out of bed at 6:55 this morning. Of course, she convinced me to go out and play before breakfast. How could one not get excited with as much enthusiasm as Lucy does?
A fresh dusting of snow is one of New England's finest sights. I love the way it clings to the twigs and branches. We were outside before the sun peeked over the hill, every thing shone with light blue hues. It was very pleasant to spend some time enjoying the outdoors even though I was awake earlier than I would have liked to be.
We then came inside and sat down to breakfast. Sundried tomato chicken sausage, sauteed onions and sweet potatoes, a slice of sourdough, an over easy egg topped with half a fried tomato, and a dusting of cheddar. Breakfast was followed by some quality couch time cuddled up with some of my new favorite "positive energy" tangerine tea and a few sudoku puzzles. Lucy cuddled besides me watching her fair share of Mickey Mouse Club House.
I was also able to accomplish some laundry after chasing Lucy around the house with various pieces of it. Then I sat Lucy besides me with crayons and a coloring book while I started to cut out an apron she will get for Christmas. She loves to help me cook sometimes, and I really enjoy it.
Shortly after, I picked up Lucy and carried her to her room where we cuddled up on the bed and read some stories. I laid down with her for a few minutes until she fell asleep. Her curly head was resting lightly on mine and she easily set sail  into dream land.
When I left the bed, I was feeling very energetic, and took advantage of my last minutes before work to squeeze in 12 min of stair climbing and a shower. It wasn't much, but something at all feels so great. I hurried off to work, slightly behind schedule, but hey, I've been on time to work for a record number of days:)

Reflection of Happiness For This Day

ऊपेक्खा

“The real meaning of upekkha is equanimity, not indifference in the sense of unconcern for others. As a spiritual virtue, upekkha means stability in the face of the fluctuations of worldly fortune. It is evenness of mind, unshakeable freedom of mind, a state of inner equipoise that cannot be upset by gain and loss, honor and dishonor, praise and blame, pleasure and pain. Upekkha is freedom from all points of self-reference; it is indifference only to the demands of the ego-self with its craving for pleasure and position, not to the well-being of one's fellow human beings. True equanimity is the pinnacle of the four social attitudes that the Buddhist texts call the 'divine abodes': boundless loving-kindness, compassion, altruistic joy, and equanimity. The last does not override and negate the preceding three, but perfects and consummates them.”

Some days, I lose my head without much cause. It just happens. Poof! Sour mood. But that's not what I'm about to dwell upon. When talking to my mom today, talking about a sick relative, it really puts things in perspective. Some one in my distant family, who was mostly healthy all summer, has been given three weeks to live. When I think about how time seems to fly these days, it is incredibly terrifying to think of hearing I would only live about three more weeks. 

It's really important to reflect on the beauty in EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I will continue to strive to ease my mind when it turns upside down. I will briefly notice the sour or ill feelings and quickly move on or tend to them as needed. It is a struggle, but I deserve to live in happiness.

I began the morning, some what losing my mind. I can't always put a finger on it, but I used all of the negative energy to clean. Even though I wasn't necessarily feeling fantastic when I had finished, the kitchen, living room, and Lucy's room all received a much needed tidying. All cleaned, swept, and vacuumed. Then I took my little Lu Bees outside to play in the sunshine. 

Today was a little on the cool side, so I bundled Lucy up in adorable handmade knitted accessories. She looked so adorable in her little hat and scarf, all bundled up under her little coat. She asked me to put on her second hand winter boots, which are her current favorite. We watched the school bus drop some children off and then walked across the street to play in the leaves and pick up sticks. Sticks are one of the best things that nature gives Lucy to play with. She loves to hold one in each hand, poke and bang things, and throw them. But then again, she also likes to eat (and swallow if I'm not fast enough) spoonfuls of sand or rocks. There was none of that today though, only one close call. 

After about an hour, it was time for a nap. I read Lucy some stories and sang her to sleep. She went down relatively easy. I'm really thankful that during this time I didn't attempt to eat while I was feeling out of sorts, because if things got a little hairy, I would feel only worse. So, I took a much needed nap and awoke in much better spirits. When I woke up, I had some lunch (sauteed broccoli with rotisserie chicken meat, a small slice of homemade sour dough, and a slice of cheese) and then I curled up on the couch with a blankie and sipped some tea. Ryan called me and ran to the grocery store so I wouldn't have to. I think it was the first day off I've had in months where I didn't drive anywhere. It was very nice.

I made some delicious Chili:

-2lbs beans soaked over night

-2 cans diced tomato with basil

-caramelized onions and peppers with ground beef

-two home grown hot peppers

-red pepper

-Himalayan salt

-Turmeric

-Curry

I also made some Delicious Mushroom soup with my chicken broth:

-sautee some leeks in butter

-add mushrooms

-add lemon juice

-add paprika

-add dill

-add pepper

-add chicken stock

-add milk

-add cream cheese (which was supposed to be sour cream but I like to live dangerously)

(and by dangerously I meant I needed to use the cream cheese in something)

I'd love to write down the amounts more specifically but I'm too good for measuring;)

Fred gave me a great compliment about not seeing beans cooked that way since his grandmother was alive. That made me feel awesome. I really enjoy doing things old school especially if it means eating beans and not having gas. Soaking them over night helps the breakdown of certain enzymes that cause it and also allow you to absorb all of that good vitamins and crap.

Everyone was really thankful for dinner. I thoroughly enjoy entertaining by feeding people. Especially with a warm and hearty, home cooked meal. Tina of course showered me with compliments and both Tina and Fred were incredibly thankful for all of the things I did around the house all day. That made me feel really appreciated. That feeling rocks.

I hung around with Lucy and Ryan until bath time for Lucy. After the bath, we had our first snow fall of the year. Lucy ran outside with Grammy to see the snow. She was so excited! She came in and demanded her hat, scarf, boots, and sweater so she could go outside and build a snow man. (With all ten flakes of snow). Then we took on the endeavor to put her to sleep. Tonight it took over an hour and a half (probably because we were still excited about the snow at bed time), but there was still something special about it. I'm so thankful I had the strength to comfort her and help her drift to sleep without being upset and crying. No one deserves that, but it's never easy. As much as I don't like to admit it, some days I just don't have the patience to coddle her for hours at a time. When I can spend a decent hunk of evening helping her drift to sleep happily as possible, I feel really proud of myself. I truly feel Lucy benefits from being comforted like that too.  So there's that strength.

Before Ryan went off to work, he gave me the best hug ever. He isn't always super affectionate, but it made me feel really good. Hugs freaking rock!

To be able to reflect upon the things that make me happy... <3

For The Love Of Naps

Naps can be the most wonderful thing. I felt my anxiety hanging over me quite a bit this morning. Not much that I did quieted it. Finally, I was able to lay my baby down form a nap. I had all of these expectations as to what was going to get done during my mini vacation from being a mom. After reading a few books to Lucy, and laying down to cuddle her for a minute, I had a the realization that I needed to nap more than anything else. I am not sure if I fell asleep at all, but to lay in bed all cozy and warm was enough to ease my restless mind.
I'm so thankful the second part of my day has a chance for something enjoyable. Feeling renewed, I'm able to roll out of bed on the right side.